SOTM |
Story of the Month
September 2005
The Necromancer's Demands Part I
 |
Tayler the Wanderer was wandering around the countryside one day. |
 |
He was bored and he saw a decrepit tower in the distance, so he decided to go up to it. |
 |
He looked at the decrepit tower. It seemed like it had been abandoned for decades. He called at it, "Here yea, are thou anybody up hither?!?" |
 |
All of a sudden, Tayler the Wanderer's
sword disappeared. "Gasp! What evil trickery is this?" An evil cackle emanates from the top of the tower. |
 |
"I have your weapon, Tayler the Wanderer." said the Necromancer. |
 |
"You give that back." shouted Tayler, "It was given to me by a high elf lord just before he died in battle!" |
 |
"You can have your trinket back."
croaked the Necromancer, "After you collect things of three for me." "What must you get in order to satisfy your urges?" yelled Tayler, who was despairing. "I need one magic rib bone from a stag, magic waters from the lake of dragon bones and one magical green egg from the magical bog in Southfarwich." |
 |
"Why must I gather this magical things
for yea?" asked Tayler the Wanderer yellingly. "Be off with you. I have more urgent matters than to nourish your inquisitiveness. BE OFF!" screeched the Necromancer. "Yea verily, I will go on this quest for all of the magical things that lie in magical lands to retrieve my sword. |
 |
Tayler the Wanderer set off on his quest with only ample supplies and a trusty (but powerless) walking stick. |
 |
Tayler forgot one thing, a water pouch. So he was forced to gorge himself with water at every stream and puddle and mudhole. On lucky days, Tayler the Wanderer would find a stream or two, but sometimes he would go almost a week without a sip of fresh water. |
 |
He journeyed for a long while alone. |
 |
One day he noticed a pile of rags and rubbish in the ditch. It smelled of feces and rotten eggs. |
 |
It turned out to be a human that was passed out in the ditch. It was covered in vomit and feces. |
 |
Being bored at the time, he decided to poke it. |
 |
"Wake up you thing." said Tayler the Wanderer, "You belong to me now. You will be my servant boy." |
 |
"You will carry my things now and you
will help me on my quest to find the magical bone, magical waters and magical
egg." said Tayler the Wanderer, "By thee way, what is thoust name? Out creaked a hoarse voice that said, "It. It is my name master." "Ok... Whatever floats your boat." said Tayler. |
 |
"Hey, you stick close or I will cane you somethin good!" yelled Tayler the Wanderer, "Why aren't you carrying my luggage?!?" |
 |
Tayler the Wanderer and It walked for many days. |
 |
"Hey It, this confounded luggage is getting heavy!" said Tayler, "You can carry it anytime... It. It... Why do you never tire of walking?" |
 |
A week later, they came upon a pile of
rotting flesh and bone. "It is the bones of a magical stag, the first item!" exclaimed Tayler, "Hmm... It's kind of nasty and I want to use my hands to eat later, you grab the magical bone, It. "Uh." grunted It. |
 |
"Where do we go next?" they wondered. "I hd te drabl bohn lae s ot weest." said It. "I fl a drk prsnt" said It. Tayler slapped It and said, "What the heck did you just say? Take those damn rocks out of your mouth." |
 |
"Hmm these dragon-sized tracks seem suspicious." mentioned Tayler the Wonderer. "Whatever! All I care out is gettin me some rabbit meat" exclaimed It. |
 |
All of a sudden, everything was
silent. They heard a great rumbling in the nearby woods. "DRAGON!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!" they both screamed. It urinated in his trousers. |
 |
They ran for 2 days and 2 nights before they realized that the dragon never saw them. "That was close!" proclaimed Tayler the Wanderer, "I almost had to sacrifice you to the dragon, It." |
 |
It was thirsty, so he started walking towards a nearby pond. "Stay away from those waters It." said Tayler. "Why? Is there something evil about it?" asked It. "No, I just pooped in that pond over there and I don't want you to get E Coli." said Tayler. |
 |
The next day, Tayler and It were walking when Tayler decided to give It some advice on how to battle. "You see, when an ogre is charging you, you must aim your weapon at the groin It. The groin is the weak spot on nearly every creature." said Tayler the Wanderer. "Isn't that considered a cheap shot?" asked It. "You shut up It, you know nothing of the ancient ways of battle. |
 |
Anyway's, back to the quest. "Which way do we go?" said It. "Lets try right. Two rights always lead the right way! It is always good to quote ancient saying when you have a hard choice to make!" exclaimed Tayler. "Four rights is better than two." said It. |
 |
Look, there's an old abandoned farmstead. Let's see if we night inside one of the buildings. |
 |
Tayler the Wanderer and It walked up to the largest building. "Ah, this one has plenty of room to sleep in" said Tayler, "It, you can sleep in those bushes. Now come and help me make my bed." |
 |
When they got up to the overly-sized-door there was a slight rustle inside. "Did you hear that, It?" asked Tayler. "Sorry sir, I am deaf in my left ear, can you speak up?" said It. It must've been a squirrel." said Tayler the Wander. |
 |
"Which room do you want to sleep in master?" asked It. "It, do you feel as though there is something behind us? Like a dark presence?" said Tayler. |
 |
"Master, how many times do I have to tell you to speak up!" exclaimed It. "Hush up you fool!" hushed Tayler. "WHAT?" shouted It. Tayler the Wanderer glared at It and told him he was to be beaten 30 times on the bottom with an oak stick for being so insolent. He then noticed a faint glow in the corner of his eye. |
 |
The room darkened and the blundering duo saw a pair of giant green glowing eyes (much like the necromancers) up near the ceiling. Tayler the Wanderer and It both urinated in their trousers and started screaming at the top of their lungs. |
 |
"Flee you fool!!" screamed Tayler the Wanderer at the top of his lungs. They were being chased by a glow pair of eyes with giant razor-sharp jaws. It then urinated in his trousers once again. |
 |
Before they could get the doors shut, a great hand popped out. "Quickly!" shouted Tayler, "Bar the DOORS!" |
 |
Tayler the Wanderer used his powerless walking stick to push the door shut. It gave the monster the finger just before the door closed. "How such a powerful monster trapped inside a barn?" pondered Tayler, "Did you see the monsters eye's, It? The Necromancer must have some part in this evil." |
End of Part I |